By Maira San Juan

On 10 August Maira renewed her commitment as a Columban Lay Missionary (photo) and has since returned to Korea.

1. When I said ‘Yes’ to the mission, I agreed to be an instrument of God’s love to His people. This is easy to say but not easy to live by. When insecurities arrived at my doorstep, I was confused and started to ask myself ‘Why am I here in mission?’ Then when compliments sat on my lap and I became comfortable with their presence. I started to think ‘I can do many things by myself’. When familiarity and accomplishments touched my shoulders I started to feel ‘I’m more blessed than others’. When the word ‘missionary’ came into my head I started to think ‘I’m much better than the other people I’m journeying with’. And when I started to put many expectations on myself I sometimes forgot the reason why I said ‘Yes’.

Maira San Juan

2. When communication becomes difficult food can help. I believe every dish has a story - the way it is prepared and why it tastes so differently. It can also be a first glance at someone else’s culture and uniqueness. Food can become an icebreaker too. I remember when I first tasted and learned how to cook kimchi chigae, a popular Korean soup made with fermented cabbage and chili pepper paste, the first words I said were ‘Hmmm . . . tastes good’ and the person who served it smiled. And when I served my first kimchi chigae the first words that I heard were ‘How did you prepare this?’ And that was the beginning of the conversation.

3. I cannot choose the people who will let me into their lives. I can only receive what they are capable of giving and be thankful it happened. It’s a humbling experience to be a living witness and to be able to share my life with another person. Building a relationship is not an easy task especially because of culture and language differences. Sometimes miscommunications arise making both parties frustrated and hurt. We have a choice. We either get out of the relationship, build a block or wall, or stay in the relationship, willing to take risks.

4. It is essential to sit with friends, talk about anything under the sun, share each other’s experiences, laugh and relax together. I’m at my best when I’m relaxed and when my life is balanced. One challenge in mission is to find balance in everyday life. Nothing can buy me relaxation and balance but friends are a good source.

5. It’s not about what I can say but about how much I listen. This really matters. I can say many things but these words mean nothing if I don’t listen to what I’m saying. The words become empty because I don’t mean them. And when other people express themselves through words, it becomes noise to me because it’s ‘nonsense’. Not because of the words they say but because I just hear them without really listening.

6. What is life without going back to the basics . . . breathing. Communion with nature gives me peace of mind because it helps me to breathe deeply. This leads me to sense my inner strength because I’m in a space where all my senses are relaxed. Communion with God is essential in my everyday life. It helps me find meaning with what I’m doing. My relationship with God is as important as breathing.

7. My weaknesses are important gifts that I can offer . . . and others’ weaknesses are gifts that I can receive. It’s easy to relate with persons who are not afraid to show they have flaws because honesty deepens relationships. Perhaps I have weaknesses that can be someone else’s inspiration and others have weaknesses that can give me strength.

8. There are some things that I cannot bring back anymore. I cannot bring back the time when my nephews and nieces were growing up or time with my family. Because I have been away from them a long while, I feel I do not know them anymore and that they can continue on with their lives without me. This is a reality which has given me much pain but has been essential for my growth.

9. When doubts and questions arise within me . . . sometimes the best thing for me to do is just nothing. Having doubts and questions might be an overwhelming experience. Sometimes it can make me restless or rigid especially when I least expect it. I realize there are some questions which don’t need an answer, doubts which don’t need any response. I just need to recognize them.

10. I can learn many things through experience. I have a conviction in what I believe because I have experienced a situation where I almost lost my faith. I can learn the true meaning of joyfulness because I have experienced being almost ‘drowned’ in loneliness. I can understand the word responsibility because I have experienced being out of control and dependent. Acceptance and letting go are possible because I have experienced holding on tight. The word love is more meaningful now because I have experienced being hurt. And the words service and mission are not merely words anymore because I have experienced being in need and witnessing God’s love. And because of these I am more aware that I’m just an instrument of the greatest scheme of life, and that I am grateful. Most of all I have learned to say ‘THANK YOU!’

You may email the author at mesaj85@yahoo.com