...And Then Let Go
By Bo Sanchez
“How are you, Philip?” I asked a friend one day.Philip retorted, “I’m fine. My son died in an accident, my house burned down, my wife ran away with another man, I lost my job last week and my doctor told me I have lung cancer. Aside from that, I’m okay.”
Philip is the model stoic. I’ve exaggerated his calamities to give you a picture of a wrong way of handling negative emotions; to deny them and cover up our pain. I'm not surprised that Philip has cancer. Why? Because any inner pain that we don’t allow ourselves to feel will manifest itself through tumors, hypertension, heart disease, muscle pains, ulcer. Because of this, I have a fascinating hunch: I bet that if I could only help people acknowledge and feel their hidden emotions of anger, fear, worry and grief, I‘d probably be able to remove 50% of their physical disease. Because our bodies are blueprints of our emotional life.
Sandra, on the other hand, is Philip opposite. “How are you Sandra?” I asked her one day. “Oh Bo, “she crumpled down on my shoulder, “I don’t know what to do with my life. Everyone hates me. No one loves me!” Do I cry with her? The first time, yes. But the eighty-sixth time? I’ve gotten used to her drama. Because every time I see Sandra she always breaks down in a river of tears. Only to find out that her world was about to end because of favorite shirt got damaged in the washing machine or her dog didn’t wag his tail at her!
When I was single, I did everything with lightning speed. I remember it took me only nine minutes to eat breakfast, shower, dress-up and get ready to drive off to wherever. No kidding. When I got married preparing to leave home takes me a little bit more time. (About one hour and fifty-one minutes more.)
One day, I discovered I only had P9,000.00 left in my savings – tucked safely in my desk drawer. Actually, I still had some P700.00 in my wallet – but even with that, I was still probably the poorest “Chairman of the Board” this universe has ever known.
Let me tell you a story.
I now realize that joy or misery is a choice that we have to make daily. This came to me strongly when one day I was driving in Novaliches with my family to visit some relatives. Because of the enormous road work there, we got lost taking alternative routes. Besides, Novaliches is famous for an amazingly circuitous network of streets, reminding me of my intestines. “Can you help us find this address?” my Mom asked a guy driving a little jeep. “Sure,” he said, “Follow me. I’m going in that direction.”