By Fr. Niall O’ Brien

To the Memory of A Very Special Friend

Sometime ago our little group held a Mass for Titay Hagad. As I prepared for the Mass I suddenly realized that not only were we holding a Mass for Titay but in fact our group would never have existed if not for her. A couple of years ago just after Johnny retired from being Ombudsman Titay came to me and said, I love MISYON. I think it’s great. I‘d like to promote it. [I am not making this up!] It was an editor’s dream. Anyway so was born our little MISYON Promoter’s group here in Bacolod, Negros Occidental.

Of course, I had known Titay for years, first I was introduced to her by Fr. Eamonn Gill who had known her since his golfing day as Chaplain in Ma-ao Central. But more than that I got to know her through the Samaria movement. That was a mass movement. That was a mass movement of evangelization. It was a sort of counterpart for the Cursillo but it had developed its own flavor. Titay Hagad, Baby Gonzales, Baby Hofileña, Carmelita Yulo, Georgina Tupas, Meding Ramos. Charing Gaston and the whole host of very responsible women almost abandoned their families to help us. [Actually it was we who helped them to run the Samaria because they did most work] I look back now and know that I was a fined moment in the story of the Negros Church. Titay and Company would come down to Kabankalan or Binalbagan or to off to Cebu or other islands to lead this four day, three nights retreat. The Samaria had a marvelous effect in restoring happiness to families and introducing people to the person of Jesus and to the Church. The physical conditions in those days in the Kabankalan and Binalbagan Samaria Houses were very austere: wooden plates, primitive toilets, mosquito galore, unpredictable lights, and bring your own water if your were wise. Titay and Company would often ends up cleaning the toilets if necessary.

As Chaplain I can say without fear of contradiction from the men that these women were way a head in organization. Reality and general tidiness of mind, also in guts when necessary.

On one occasion one of the visiting priests who was giving the Rollo on the Sacraments (a four hour Rollo in Samaria) strayed from the topic during the first half of the Rollo. Not only he go on to one of his pet hobby horse but he even criticized the very women who were running Samaria itself- the women who had invited him that was a bit rich considering that he was there as their guest and had come freely. I have to confess that I did not have the heart to confront him as her was (and is) a good friend. During the break, Titay walked up to him to invite him for a snack and added while looking him unflinching in the eye, “You were very far off our agreed topic, Father. Also we feel it’s unfair to criticize us when we cannot answer back.” After the break he returned like a lamb to the original topic and I breathed a sigh of relief. I’ve never for how Titay did it. That was her gift – being gentle but being firm. Disagreeing with you but remaining your friend, that’s something we need more of. In Philippine culture sometimes a friends is someone who tells you you are right. That wasn’t Titay’s way. We need more friends like Titay.

When I left for my vacation in Europe Titays still looked well. She did not show her deteriorating health. She died just a few days before I arrived back. However I managed to arrive in time for a night with the Hagad family near the end to the novena, I admired the sense of peace among all the children and how proud they were of their mother and I thought to myself, “It won’t be an easy act for them to follow.

At a special mass the next day sponsored by the Christian Family Life (CFL) Lyn Arguelles (Another MISYON promoter) made us laugh with her stories about Titay. She said:

We teamed up (with Titay and Johnny) many times not only in Bacolod but we introduced the Marriage Encounter to Iloilo, Tacloban. Tagbilaran, Cebu, Iligan, Cagayan de Oro and many other places. Those were happy and unforgettable years. Our close association with Johnny and Titay opened our eyes to their many admirable qualities. We were their number one admirers. To me Titay was an ideal wife, always supportive of Johnny. How I wished I could be like her! I remember Baging would always point out to me how Titay would look so lovingly at Johnny during Marriage Encounter talks when it was Johnny’s time to speak. “Look at the way Titay looks at Johnny – that’s kind of look I want you to give me when I speak. The problem is you look at me so nervously and fearfully that I forger what I am about to say,” Baging would say.

One time visiting Titay I threw out the remark that I love her ramshackle house, then I wondered if my Irish attempt at a complement had misfired. And I look anxiously to see if she had taken the remark amiss. What I meant, of course, in my own clumsy, was that it was obvious that in those years when everyone else was refurbishing their houses she and Johnny had opted for spending it all of the Children’s education. As a result the house was more or less the same as when Fr. Gill had first introduced me to her in the early sixties. Anyway Titay didn’t even notice the remark.

The Paradox for a Christian is to live in the world with joy and gratitude and appreciation and yet I know it is passing. Titay decided to live everyday quietly, leaving her health in God’s hands and to go on working for others right to the end. She was such a beautiful example of this acceptance and hope that it gave great help to those of us of little faith (like myself). But I think Lyn Arguellles has made an even deeper theological point when she said:

‘What made Titay such a remarkable person? So talented yet so humble, so kind and generous to a fault. So loving to everyone that she wants you to always feel good about yourself. I think her secret was that Titay herself felt that she was special and loved not only by Johnny, her children, relatives and friends. She felt she was God’s favorite and beloved child. She had experienced so much of Gods special love in her life and this gave her the capacity to give it to everyone around her.’

That is the heart of the goodnews: to know we are loved by Him. Titay Lived that.

PS. I hope there will be many other promoters of MISYON to take the place of Titay.