By Rene Tumang

A bare hut. Five hungry children. A simple carpenter for a father. A compulsive gambler for a mother. These were my memories of childhood. I did not know if the pain could be erased.

When I was 9 years old, my father, our sole breadwinner, boarded a bus to Manila from our hometown in Pampanga. He never came back. He met an accident and he died on the spot. Our eldest had to stop studying to work. We found out that we could not count any of our relatives for help and we had to learn to fend for ourselves because they have families of their own. One of my sister got married at the age 14 and she took me to live with her mother-in-law in Dagupan City. She said that I could continue studying high school there. What I did not know was I would also serve as a house boy there.

With all the work I had to do, I never had a chance to have friends. For four years I cleaned the house, tended pigs. Washed clothes, ironed them, and studied. When I go to college, things sometimes got so bad that I did not come home, preferring instead to sleep at a bus station and go straight to school where I had to beg for breakfast from classmates. This wasn’t new to them, this scraggly boy in shabby clothes groveling.

I hate this kind of life. And I vowed that one day, I’d break free of it.

Getting Rich

When I went to Manila to find work, I bumped into a film exchange company where I became a sales representative. From there, I moved from one film outfit to another, I moved up until I became part owner of the production company. AEON Films. I noticed though that the bigger my dream, the bigger the empty space in my heart became.

Sin became my lifestyle. I was living in with a woman I had fallen in love with but was not willing to marry. Our relationship was characterized by frequent fights as she knew that aside from her I had other women. Believe or not, I had a total of 69 girlfriends in a span of 13 years and I was proud of this casanova image. I did not care if my girlfriend was on the verge of suicide. I was too preoccupied with seeking my own pleasure to see the misery I was causing other people. I knew, though, that in the roughest moments, in my live-in partner turned to prayer.

Wanting More

God must have heard her. My Godfather, Danny Cabrera, who is a director started speaking me to God. I was surprised to learn that he had stopped directing bold films and that he only accepted assignments which did not lead him to sin. I was skeptical about this. I thought, “Diyos ka ng Diyos, eh, wala ka namang trabaho.”

For a time, I turned a deaf ear on him, but later on, he was able to convince me to go to confession and to Mass. It could have been a good chance to turn over a new leaf especially since two other friends joined us in our walk with the Lord. But after a while, I lost contact with them as I became more and more immersed in work.

I already had a lot of money, but I wanted more. In my pursuit for more, I earned to ire of many people. I learned not to trust anyone for I saw how quick the people around me saw opportunities to steal me. I became short-tempered and I was beginning to feel frustrated and fed up with life. Was there a way out?

My Child’s Life

On December 23, 1985, my teen-month-old baby was given by the doctor only 24 hours to live. She had a rare disease which he failed to identify but whose mortality rate was high.
“Her life is no longer in our hands, it is in God’s,” he said.

My reply to that was, “Aba pati pala doctor nabobola ng Diyos.” Then I turned my thoughts to the Lord and said, “If You are truly God then you would have known that I should be punished, not my innocent child.”

We kept watch over Zaire all night, her condition was deteriorating. At 4 AM, she was strangely silent, yet tears flowed continuously form wide staring eyes, she looked straight at me and I felt like she was telling me that I had failed her as a father. I had not given the love and attention she needed.

I could not bear the guilt I felt, I rushed to the hospital chapel and for the first time in a long while, I sought the Lord, begging Him to spare my child and take my life instead. It he really was God, he could do that, couldn’t He?

A few hours later, I stepped back into my daughter’s room. Three doctors were checking her. For more than half hour I waited with baited breath for their diagnosis.
“Your daughter will live. This is a miracle!” cried out one of them.

For a few moments, I could not react with joy for I thought, “There is a God! And He took me seriously.”

New Life

When friends started to invite me to attend Life in the Spirit Seminars (LSS) again after this incident, I no longer refused them. I learned about a different kind of God. In the past, I thought He was none who only watched over us to punish our wrong doings. But now, I was getting to know a God who was longing to embrace me, to save me from sin, and to make me His child.
I found myself listening intently to all the talks at the LSS. It was like stepping into cleansing fire which was washing away my weaknesses and sins. I repented sincerely and humbly for hurting my Heavenly Father who loved me more than anything, I was now ready to turn my back completely on my old life. My first step toward this was to marry my live-in partner Beth the mother of my child.

Slowly But Surely

Changing my ways was a difficult painstaking process. God began to mend the broken pieces of my life, especially my relationship with my family, but many temptations still came my way, though I no longer chased after women, I found out that they were the one chasing after me.

After my LSS, my prayer to the Lord to take me away from show business was answered. Though I wanted to minister to my colleagues and draw them with me into a personal relationship with Jesus, I knew I was still weak and I needed a change environment. God answered in a unique way: Our Company went bankrupt, but He provided an alternative source of income. My wife and I went into food business and the Lord has faithfully blessed it abundantly.

You Must Forgive

In 1993, my mother came to me. I hated her because I felt that she was the one who ruined or lives. I was only in the early stages of my renewal and she was the only person I did not want to see. I told my wife to talk to her and to give her anything she wanted but she could never stay with us.

However, sometime early stages in 1994, my wife persuaded me to let my Mom stay with us since no one wanted her anymore. She had gone to her brothers but they would not accept her, she had a stroke and half of her body was paralyzed. If you look at her, she was like a beggar, and she smelled so bad. That was how she presented to me.
But there was only one thought in my mind, “Buti nga sayo. Pagbabayaran mo rin lahat ng ginawa mo sa min.”

I told my wife, “Do what you want with her. And don’t bother me anymore.”

Beth took good care of my mother who was like a kid who needed to be washed up and cleaned. And she even bought new clothes.

For the six months that was with us, I did not want to see her. Until one day, I was invited to lead a prayer meeting by a certain community but I could not start any prayer. I felt there was something wrong in me. so I talked to God, “I know You’re asking me to forgive my mother. But I cannot. But if this really what You want, then give me the grace to forgive for I cannot do it on my own. I also asked the grace to love my mother as her son. Only You can do this for my heart is empty.”

For one month, this was my prayer and my struggle. Sometimes I was tempted to go back to my old ways rather than do what was very difficult for me.
One day at 6 PM, as I was about to attend a prayer meeting at the OASIS of Love, I bumped into my mother, She asked me, “Anak, kamusta kana?”

With a stony face, I just answered, “I’m just fine.”

Then she added, “Anak baka pwede mo na akong patawarin.”

When I heard her asking for forgiveness, I felt the grace to forgive was over me. It was only then that I felt like I had a mother after all. I also felt for thee first time the love of a son for his mother.
My mother passed away on November 3, 1994. I missed her up to now because I feel we did not have enough time together to replace all those lost years. But I thank God for the moments we still had.

Life in the Light

I am amazed that I am now living a life in the light. It‘s really a big miracle because in spite of my sins, I still felt the love of God. It was His hand that lifted me up. How I can I not love Him back?

I now have a new lifestyle, a lifestyle with God. A live each day under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

“There is a God! And He took me seriously.”

Thank you KERYGMA!