By Reverend Noe H. Pedrajas

The author was ordained deacon on 15 November in preparation for the priesthood. He belongs to the Diocese of Marbel.

During the ordination
to diaconate at Cacayan de Oro
Cathedral, with Bishop Zacharias Jimenez,
auxiliary of Butuan

One Monday while praying the Joyful mysteries, I got stuck in the Annunciation! The Annunciation struck me as an extraordinary mystical experience. I realized that the unfolding of God’s plan of salvation wasn’t fulfilled without the ‘Yes’ of our Blessed Mother Mary. Her ‘Yes’ or ‘Fiat’ didn’t come so easily and spontaneously. It was accompanied by many fears and amazement.

Mary’s astonishing example of giving up self for the sake of God’s will led me to reflect and examine how deep my commitment to God was.

God’s Great Love

Just like our humble Mother Mary, my ten years in formation for the priesthood are marked by moments of grief and feats, of wounding and healing, of torments and predicaments and shouts of joy, from which I’ve moved on despite imperfections. Every time I’m tempted to get stuck in my own selfish world, I’m reminded of God’s tender love and compassion as I respond to His call to the priesthood. There’s no reason for me not to love others, because God’s unconditional love has changed me, no reason for me not to be compassionate, because He has embraced me in spite of my wicked ways.

As I embrace my own struggles, I’m reminded of the struggles of so many others. Selfishness often takes the center stage of everyday living, evil invading the world. Virtues such as compassion, love, sympathy, kindness, empathy, meekness and humility seem nonsensical.

Is there a room for love?

Truly, in a world where so many are preoccupied with getting ahead, even if it means stepping on others, the question is: Will there still be room for unconditional love?

One afternoon in 2000, I went window-shopping in a newly-opened mall in Marbel, South Cotabato. I was walking fast through the entrance when I saw a beggar. Feeling annoyed, I quickened my stride to avoid him. But as I approached the entrance, I noticed that he was staring so badly not at me, but through the window of the mall at the world of food-chains. Though disturbed, I just went inside the mall, as if heaven could be found there.

Gift of conscience

Inside the mall, the sight of that innocent soul of more or less eight years old stayed with me. I felt the stirring of guilt. God wanted me to come closer to him, to listen and talk to him. God was so real that afternoon as if patting my shoulder and emphatically saying, ‘Noe, go to him! Forget yourself!’

As I busied myself inside the mall, the beauty of material wealth had no appeal for me anymore. God was simply irresistible. I strode to the exit where I had seen that boy just a minute before. I looked around but he was nowhere to be seen. At that moment, the world was so desperately sorrowful to me. I pondered on the abundance of God’s grace flowing so deeply and giving me life so that I might share it with others, and yet here I was, busy loving my selfish self!

Human weakness

God’s challenge to us is to be like Him in so many ways. Our life is one of grace. As children of God we live in the world in hope, faith and love, sharing with others whatever grace we receive from Him. Deep within my heart there was this inner longing to do an act of generosity yet my human weakness prevailed.

My humbling experience that afternoon reminded me of my father, who lived a life full of sacrifices for others. He was the friendliest person I’ve ever known. Almost everyone in the barrio seemed to be his friend. He would usually visit a friend, a relative, or just a not-so-close neighbor, if ever they were sick or in difficulties. He would often bring them produce from his small farm. One time whenTatay found out that a distant relative had been sick for almost a week, he found a way to bring our relative to the local hospital. He lent a little money, since our relative had none. I couldn’t help but being touched by my father’s generosity and thoughtfulness beyond compare. My mother at times had difficulty in determining if that was a virtue or not. But for my father, everything we receive from God is a gift and so it is our gratitude to return it to Him through loving generosity towards others, without expecting any return.

Tatay’s good example

The newly ordained deacons with Bishop Zacharias Jimenez
(Reverend Noe - extreme right, back row)

Then towards the end of 1992, Tatay was stricken with an illness that crippled him. News of his ordeal spread all over our locality. Though his friends surely heard the news, only a few visited or helped. But, I admire Tatay for his humble generosity. Though he lost most of his friends when moments of ordeal came, though he lost his money to needy persons, though he lost even his life,Tatay’’s entire life was a dynamic evidence of how to give love unconditionally.

It was grace because it called him to life and because it gave him the only true life.

The permanent joy

Indeed, I’ve discovered what life is all about. It’s all about generously giving one’s life to God and to others - and forgetting oneself in the process. It’s the only way for us to have genuine, permanent joy - loving until it hurts!