By Susan Severino

Susan “Yet” Severino is a close friend of the editor. She comes from Silay, Negros Occidental but at present works in Canada.  In the recent past she has had a difficult encounter with cancer.  She shared her thoughts privately with Fr. Niall O’Brien who asked her permission to share them with our readers.  These will bring light to many who are also traveling through this dark valley.

One fine spring morning I sat in my doctor’s office and learned that I have cancer.  I could hardly believe what I heard.  But I knew what I have always believed in.  I believe that whenever and wherever I find myself in any trouble, crisis, challenge or dilemma I could always bring myself in front of Jesus.  I believed with all my heart then and there I would not be alone in facing this devastating news.

The first place I wanted to be

As I left the clinic I remember whispering to myself one of my favorite mantras in time of distress.  The opening words in the Last Discourse of Jesus:  “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Have faith in God and have faith in me.”  I was repeating this to myself every step of the way until I reached the church where I wanted and needed to be.

Lost Mom to breast cancer

In the half-hour span from the clinic to the church I went through a whole gamut of emotions. Images and memories of our mother flooded my mind.  In 1975 we lost Mommy, a breast cancer victim, and our family then witnessed the ravages of the disease and the toil of cancer treatments on her.  I was starting to feel scared.  I was hoping there could have been some mistake and that when I get to see the breast specialist there would be no confirmation on the findings.  I was confused, perplexed and so disturbed.

Gift of Faith

The church was quiet and empty, too early for the noon Mass but just the right time to pray in silence.  I knelt before the picture of Jesus crucified and simply begged for the grace of inner peace.  I attended the noon Mass with a troubled heart.  Yet it is in moments like this I can say with full conviction that I am most grateful for the gift of faith.

My Dying Dad

I cannot recall how long I stayed inside the church but I do remember being alone. In the silence of the church, in the silence of my innermost being I began to feel a sense of God’s presence.  It was a feeling of profound trust in a merciful and compassionate God.  It was akin to what I felt many years ago in the hospital room of my father.  Dad was then seriously ill and dying. It was that evening when Father O’Brien had just celebrated Mass and our reading was on the gospel of St. John 14:1-21.  The words of Jesus were such comfort.  I still remember telling Father O’Brien that the words of Jesus touched me so deeply that I no longer felt afraid that Dad was going to die.  My fear was transformed to courage and faith.  I felt an assurance from the power of God’s words that I was not going to be orphaned as long as I live abiding in the love of God.

Time and time again I find that my faith has been made stronger and deeper by the Word of the Lord.  All the time, I experience in different moments of my life that God’s Word heals and restores me, especially during this period of my sickness and recuperation from my cancer treatments.

Blessings taken for granted

Being “home-bound” for the most of the past nine months has presented me in many fascinating ways and opportunities to become more aware of the gifts and blessings in my life which ordinarily I may have taken for granted or perhaps simply have not taken the time to appreciate.  I have experienced the reality of what John Henry Cardinal Newman said:  “God has created me to do Him some service.  God has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another.  I have my mission.  I am a link in a chain, a band of connection between persons.  I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place while not intending it if I do but keep His Word.  If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him.  God does nothing in vain.  God knows what God is about.”

With or without cancer

So, throughout my struggle with cancer I have not allowed it to victimize me.  As many cancer survivors would vouch, cancer is so limited.  Cancer survivors claim that cancer has not succeeded to cripple their love, shatter their hope, corrode their faith, nor interfere in many areas of my life.  I believe I can always make a choice on how to live my life with or without cancer.

My choice has been simple. It is a choice that has carried me through this present crisis.  A choice also which had empowered me in many past instances of my life whenever faced with a difficult situation.  I place myself in the presence of God’s love, abide in God’s word and choose to follow Jesus as the Way, the Truth and the Life without hesitating to humbly ask, “Please show me the Way…Your Way.”