I grew up witnessing the love and hate relationship of my parents, including the few attempts of my mom to stowaway every time my dad would violently hit her. But their message for us their children was very clear, to always choose marriage and family over challenges and sufferings.

The modern time shows us a great deal of broken marriages and my heart goes especially to the rebellious children who could hardly accept their family situation. I am in my 30s now and I hear people commenting from time to time that “marriage is but a piece of paper”. I don't intend to live in a dreamy world but I still do believe in marriage and I pray for one for myself. But I must admit that I sometimes get affected by how some of my good friends suffered in marriage.

Growing old together

The phrase “love and hate relationship” can sometimes be heard to refer to a relationship where the couples could be seen as loving each other and at other times shouting at each other. Hate may not necessarily be the right word for this, rather, anger expressed in many different ways. And anger is not equivalent to hate. Jesus got angry with those who were selling goods inside the temple, but he did not hate the people. In fact, he instructed them on what was right – that the temple was not a place for trading and selling goods.

All vocations in life are dynamic, namely we are continually in the process of becoming what we are called to be. Couples are constantly becoming married, priests are always becoming priests, and religious always becoming religious. In the journey, there are steps forward and steps backward. There is the constant challenge and opportunity to find peace and be at peace in the relationship.

Couples live their life in a community. When problems arise and differences seem to be irreconcilable, is there help available to the couples? It is a challenge to the church and to the Christian community to be a caring body, to help people celebrate their love and put their “fighting” into perspective. The persons experiencing pain in the relationship may find it difficult to seek help, but if they are assured of the support and concern of their friends or someone in the community, they may find a way forward that will bring peace. A good friend of the couple may be the one to encourage them in their search.

During the morning mass of Pope Francis on May 25, 2018, he stressed that marriage “silently preaches” that “love is possible”. He further said, “It’s true that there are difficulties. There are problems with children or with the couple themselves, arguments and fights… but the important thing is that the flesh remains one, and you can overcome, you can overcome, you can overcome.” And he added, “Marriage is not only a sacrament for them, but also for the Church, a sacrament, as it were, that attracts attention: “See, love is possible! And love is capable of allowing you to live your whole life in love: in joy and in sorrow, with the problems of children, and their own problems… but always going forward. In sickness and in health, but always going forward. This is beautiful.”

“Life is not a bed of roses,” as they say. If couples can accept that difficulties, differences and sufferings are part of living, then maybe they can continue to search for answers and explore ways to grow into the relationship, to rediscover the love that they have for each other.