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IDLE THOUGHTS PAST AN ASH-HEAVEN MORNING
By Christopher Ong
Someone once told me that dreams are ad infinitum. So here I am, sixteen and surveying the vast and wide landscapes of my dreams.
One time, somebody got angry with me and told me I was a person who could never change. I agree. I never changed my dreams, my principles, my point of view. Many times I vowed to improve, but how improved can a person really be?
Journey to myself
As for being open-minded, I can’t say that I have totally graduated from my crude beliefs. I know that I can’t change my ways overnight — that would be senseless and a job for Superman. But I try to act holier, live fuller, to have a little more hope, a little more love and a little more care attending to something nobody took for anything.
Sometimes I can be misunderstood for going too far, sensing Him in the details but it’s in these little details that I often hear God’s voice. I knew God guided me to the light. Between college and my innocent younger days, at times I was lost and there were leaps of faith.
A still small voice
If you think then that the noise is an eardrum-buster, consider silence. Deafening, isn’t it? God’s voice sometimes, maybe most times, gets swallowed, nay, swatted, by people’s own callings. We have come to terms with accepting the big bang, the quantum leap, and have thus perceived them in limitless arrays. So who would bother with such minute things? For people busy with the daily and monotonous scheme of things, they couldn’t care less. I myself have also been a little indifferent. We are shocked whenever we see a thing or two out of place. But what if it’s God that’s working, reaching out to us?
‘Oh Lord, I leave my past to your mercy, my present to your care, and my future to your Love.’ With these lines, I felt God in my heart. I realized that I just need to take a step back and listen. I have to quit playing deaf and blind, and take myself for who I really am.
Then there was Me
It’s pretty amazing, the way God works. I attend Mass and will always do. I also read the Bible and I learn so many things. I could sit down and share it with others and get rewarded by their own experiences since it is clearly through experience that we come in full circle.
Truly, I’m not a hero. I’m just another player in the crowd. Well, at least I’ve collected some truths and understood some of them. Nobody will ever remember the day when I became a thinker. Everyone has something to say and among those who have told their story to their friends, my own remains untold. All seats beside me were taken by emptiness. Yet, I do have my point. In the end, that alone speaks volumes.
You may contact Christopher at toffyboy232001@yahoo.com
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