By Aissa P. Bautista

It was year 1995, the 10th World Youth Day in Manila – an event which changed the course of my life. It was the call of the Holy Father to the Filipino youth: “Commit yourselves fully in following the saving mission of Christ. In your own world first: in your families, communities and in the nation to which you belong and which you love, and in the wider world of Asia.” That prompted me to leave my job in favor of mission work.

I was given the task of creating a mission-oriented youth group which will support us in promoting missionary awareness in the Philippines. Thus, the birth of Filipino Youth with a Mission (FYM). On the other hand, while our team leader’s goal was limited only to soliciting support, I had a deeper goal. My goal was that by the Year 2000 and beyond, there would be a group of evangelized youth ready to be sent to mission countries in Asia to join the group of priests, nuns and lay missionaries. That the highlight of our Jubilee celebration would be the sending-off ceremony of our missionaries.

A True-Blue Youth Pilgrim

Little did I know that I would become a true-blue youth pilgrim, that means literally going from one place to another to reiterate the message of the Holy Father and encourage the youth to respond to the missionary challenge. Suddenly, my life was not anymore confined in my own parish as we were able to visit many parishes in the South, especially in Cebu, Cagayan de Oro and Davao, where I begun to appreciate other cultures and traditions apart from my own. I lived with other families and even in short period of time became part of their lives. And like all other foreign missionaries, I knew that God is already there even before I came.

St. Therese of Lisieux in my Life

As I journey through missionary life, I become aware of the intercession of many saints in my life, most especially St. Therese of the Child Jesus – the patroness of the missions. The everyday challenges in my life are made easier to face because I feel her presence and guidance. There was even a time when I really felt my heart would burst because it overflows with love, and I can’t contain it so I must share. And in my great love for the Lord, I prayed this prayer of St. Therese: “Make me an instrument of your love. Let me do the things you wanted to do during your lifetime, your unaccomplished mission.” It was a simple prayer yet I never realized it would trigger more implications in my life. It’s like asking God for a heavier cross.

A crisis of faith

Just when I was ready to go to foreign mission I realized that the road leading to Christ was getting narrower. It was at this stage where I have been looking for Jesus but I couldn’t find Him. Not even in the faces of people who I thought were much closer to Him, people who should be and were expected to be a reflection of Him. And I came to a point where there were a lot of intersections and I didn’t know which way to go. I soon realized that the foundation of my faith was weak.

I was almost tempted to despair, still I called on Him. And in these words of St. Augustine I found the answer: “You were within me…and I was in the world outside myself. I searched for you. You were within me. But I was not with you.” I knew then that all these were just preliminary to all the bigger trials that would come along my way. Indeed in fire, gold is tested.

Lost Sheep

One problem came after another and I was almost at the verge of collapse. So I decided to spend a few days alone, but with the guidance of the Contemplative Sisters of the Good Shepherd. I always seek their refuge whenever I feel like a lost sheep, a short-sighted sheep who cannot walk by faith. This moment allowed me to weigh things and gather the missing pieces of my life. Though I cannot fully understand why God allows things to happen, I knew someday I will find the answer, in His own time.

Faith in action is Love, Love in action is Service

Despite all the problems I encountered, my longing to serve God did not cease. Finally, after years of promoting missionary awareness, a Columban priest whom I have known for quite some time, Fr. Donal O’Hanlon, paved the way in my joining the Columban Companions in Mission (CCIM). The CCIM is a group of committed laypersons who share their love, resources and services to the marginalized, with the guidance of Fr Donal O’Hanlon and Sr. Pat Daomilas, a Columban sister, and with the spirituality of St. Columban. Like him, our motto is “We belong to Christ, not to ourselves.”

The CCIM has four sub-groups and one of these is our St. Therese group which gives moral and material support to some selected juveniles (youth offenders aged 14-19) of the Medium Security Compound of the New Bilibid Prison. In the eyes of the young people, I see the face of Jesus. In their smiles, I learn to appreciate more fully the gifts God has given me. And every encounter with them is a manifestation of the presence of St. Therese in our midst.

Throughout my journey, I found my life to be in constant struggle between good and evil, love and hate, hope and despair. And amidst all the disappointments, failures and trials, I am convinced that like anyone else I am called to love others, regardless of what I profit from loving them. For I truly believe that the gift I freely receive should be joyfully shared with others.