By Baby Hofileña

I am Baby, 67 years of age and my husband, Chris, is 72. Our children, seven boys and two girls, are obviously all grown-ups now. Seven are married. I wish I had then the wisdom and experience that come with age and spiritual growth. Fortunate are the couples who start their married life with God participating.

During the earlier years of our marriage when our children started coming at about a year and a half or two years intervals, I began to feel burdened, harassed, tired, insecure and imprisoned in the confines of the duties and responsibilities of married life. More so when we discovered our sixth son to be palsied since infancy, I remember thinking, surely there has to be something better in life than this. If only I knew then what I know now.

Deaf and Blind

We transferred from Bacolod to Biscom in Binalbagan. That special son of ours had died of pneumonia when he was three years old. More attention could now be given to the other children. As it turned out I taught in Catholic college. Our eldest was the midst of high school and our youngest was a toddler. During this time I started to be involved in many religious and social organizations. I was happy. I thought I was being a good Christian, wife and mother. What I did not realize then was that I was turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to what was happening to my own family; My husband and children were feeling neglected, hurt and jealous. And well they should and well they should have because while I could be happy, generous and kind in the performance of my apostolate and social functions, at home my family would experience my impatience, cutting words and sloppy housekeeping. I must give credit to my husband’s love and patience with me most of the time. How I must have made him suffer with my irresponsible attitudes. But God is love and He never gives up on us.

Beginner

We need to be humble, accept the truth about ourselves and let God take over. I asked for my husband’s forgiveness in a marriage retreat. Little as I began to grow in the Holy Spirit, I realized that I had to begin again from the very beginning. Like learning the alphabet first before I could form the words and then the sentences that would make for an authentic Christian life. There was much to make up for. Resolve alone was not going to make it work.  Jesus said “If you want to be my apostle, deny yourself, take up your cross daily and follow me.” I knew I would have to live intimately with Jesus if I wanted to succeed.

Joy in Housekeeping

Then the miracles started happening. A transformation began taking place. Where before I rebelled at what duty and obligations called for in my state of life, I noticed that I was beginning to enjoy and look forward to performing them. Housekeeping became an expression of loving my family. Every plate I washed and laundry done was an act of love for Jesus. Not that we should become a perfectionist in our work. That also is not good because it will become an end in itself and self-serving. It is not even how much work we do but how much love we show. Jesus also said, “My yoke is easy and burden is light.”

Soon it was no longer my will but God’s that I wanted to follow. And so, where before I would just read and read to my heart’s content forgetting everything else – because I love to read – this time doing God’s will means putting that book down when he next moment belongs to another activity – doing another ‘will’ of God in the moment like, preparing for dinner, perhaps laundering, tidying up the house, gardening or attending to other things especially seeing to the needs of the member of the family.

In wanting to help to the load lighter for our house help, it has become customary to me to get out of my car to push open the gate of our compound when my husband and I would come home in order to spare them from running to open the gates themselves. That was the one way of my loving to them too.

Unity and Togetherness

Our family outing to the beaches which we used to do often began to take on new meaning. A togetherness which made unity a beautiful experience. Our married children are all family conscious – giving priority to the unity and togetherness of the own families. Back in Bacolod, my husband and I mostly now by ourselves, would eat out practically every week. It serves as a good venue for communication and seeing things together for the good of the family – not to mention that it gives the wife a break from household chores and not least – to make her feel special.

Sharing in Jesus Resurrection

A few years ago I had my first heart attack, I suffered an MI collapse four months later because of my potassium had become low.(Potassium is a mineral needed by the body to strengthen the muscles.) After I checked out I still had several attacks.

Steady Recovery

I remember my second attack when I was feeling so awful for days because of my low potassium. One night, I felt like I was sinking down, down, down, with everything around me spinning. I could hear my daughter saying soothing words of prayers in my ears as she gently stroked my arm. I thought that was it for me. I entrusted myself to God, embracing Jesus forsaken in His own suffering. When I reached the point of saying my ‘yes’ to letting go, I felt the security and peace I never experienced before. And surprise of surprises I fell asleep almost immediately – very soundly. I woke up next morning feeling strengthened, refreshed. My recovery was steady after that, no more of those awful sensations. I had never felt so close to Jesus and our Blessed Mother as in those moments of my acute suffering. Prayers and the Holy Rosary did more as sedatives for me than medicine.

Jesus in the Midst

In my recent hospitalization, my husband saw it as an opportunity to love me concretely. He could now attend to me personally. He would not have anymore for hours to relieve him in the hospital. On my part I tried to reciprocate his love by not making unnecessary requests. One morning I waited patiently for him to wake up on his own even if it was late already so we could have breakfast together with me hooked up to my dextrose. We felt very close to one another. We were very happy. There was reciprocal, mutual love. There was Jesus in our midst, just like in the Family of Nazareth. When things go wrong, and in the most unexpected ways, mutual love can be lost. When it does, we re-establish it as soon as possible. There is Jesus on the Cross, having felt forsaken Himself even by His own Father, visiting us in moments like these and waiting for us to unite our sufferings with His. He will help us to love again. We will be happy that we have overcome with Him. What joy for us knowing that we have co-responded in making Jesus be reborn in us and in our midst.

I would like to close with something beautiful I came across which says, “Say it now Please”

“Why wait until tomorrow to tell someone you care? Far beyond the dawn tomorrow, you may not see him there. The past now lies behind us, and tomorrow may not come. We only live today, to beat upon life’s drum. Why not say ‘I love you’ to that someone you hold dear. For time is such a fragile thing that death may soon appear. Let him know you love him for there’s never a doubt. The best time is now to try and work this out. If you keep your love a secret, it cannot multiply, for love will play grand dividends each day and throughout the year.”