By Doris Rayner

I came from a poor family. I am the oldest of five siblings. My father worked as a Factory worker inManila and earned a meager income. He couldn’t afford to bring his family to live with him so my Mother and us children, stayed in Pangasinan. He came home only on long weekends or Holidays. In 1974, I finished High School. I took Medical Secretarial Course at Luzon Colleges,Dagupan City, but was notable to finish it because we had no money.

On June 1975, my brother Jun died, the oldest of my three brothers. He died of tetanus, it was the saddest time of my life. I loved by brother dearly but I could not help him. Had my parents not been poor, maybe he would be still alive today.

A Dream Comes True

I prayed and promised myself that I will become successful one day and help my parents uplift our standard of living. My prayer was answered. My godfather who was a Philippine Army Officer suggested to my parents if I could work as and office Helper at Fort Magsaysay High School, PalayanCity, Nueva Ecija. I agreed without hesitation. I worked at daytime and studied at night. I enrolled in atWesleyan University – Philippines, Cabanatuan City and took Bachelor of Science in Commerce. I studied non-stop. In three years I finished my degree. It was the happiest moment in my life. My dream of helping my parents came true.

After my graduation, I landed a job at Banco Filipino, Buendia Branch. After four months at Banco Filipino, I got better offer from Far East Bank and Trust Company, as Bank Teller, also in Makati. I supported my sister as she finished her degree. Then we decided to let our father have his retirement. He was teary-eyed with joy.

The Marriage

On December 1982, I met my husband-to-be, and Australian tourist and a bachelor. He came to our bank to encash his traveler’s checks for pesos. He was on a long queue. When it was his turn, I told him to go to the Foreign Exchange Department for documentation and come back to me so I could give his money. That encashing of traveler’s checks, followed several times just to see me and we had lunches together. After a five-week stay, he proposed marriage.  I didn't accept it right then because I didn’t know him very well. When he was back in Australia, he didn’t stop communicating. He invited me to come and see his country and to get to know him. I was able to get an Australian Visa, valid for 3 months. I came on June 1983 upon agreement that I will stay in a Filipino family. Before my visa expired, we were already married in a Catholic Church in Queensland. It was the joyous moment of my life. I married a generous and patient man.

A Wife but not a Mother

My sister became a Certified Public Accountant. I was able to get an office job, send money to my parent and replace our Nipa house with a concrete one. I lived life to the full. Everything was so easy to achieve – money travel, and material things.

Despite all of these, I craved for something – a baby. Although my husband could not have a child of his own, I was hoping that he would agree with me for adoption but he didn’t want a baby at all. I was disappointed but still continued my duty as an ideal wife. I lost my job and never found another one. He was so happy that I became a full-time housewife. My whole attention was on him alone.

Mother’s Death

My mother died on September 1988. Once again, I lost one of my loved ones, the apple of my eyes. Friends and relatives said my mother had a happy death. She experienced a comfortable life and saw her family settled. My life was never the same again after my mother’s death. I was unhappy with my husband for being selfish, for not granting my wish to have a baby.

Primetime

On July 1990, after my overseas holiday, I decided to go back to school. I took a computer course for six months, followed by two-year course – Associate Diploma in Business. The same year I started a Door to Door Parcel Business (Australia – Philippines). Slowly the business thrived. I was also active in our Parish and in the Filipino community. In 1993, I finished my studies. I was in my prime.  I got a degree built a successful business, became popular. I was independent and proud. My husband was aware of what I was doing, but I didn’t realize that he was hurting inside. He didn’t tell me.

Marriage is over

I took a vocation to the Philippines on February 1996, after one week I received a letter from my husband’s lawyer stating that the marriage was over. I was in quandary! I rang him and he confirmed that the marriage was over effective the day I left for the Philippines. A lot of questions followed. I begged him not to do it. My plea was ignored and there was nothing much I could do.

Bout with Depression

I could not face reality. I was into depression I went for a private retreat in Tagaytay but it did not help at all. I didn’t have the courage to tell my plight to my father and relatives. I kept it all inside. I came back to Australia and decided to start a new life in Sydney. By then, my sister has already migrated to Australia so I stayed for a while at her place but I was disappointed with her. She chose to accommodate a flatmate. I took refuge at my cousin’s house.

My depression continued. I felt betrayed, angry, sad and afraid. My cousin who lives a single life was there for me. She listened to me every night. She tried to ease my loneliness and pain but when I was alone, all sorts of things entered my mind. Self-pity especially.

Decision to Mission

It was gift of faith that kept my sanity. I must admit, I was a nominal Catholic but when I met and befriended the missionaries of different orders my spiritual life blossomed. I have learned a lot from them.

On my last vacation to the Philippines I came to mass one Sunday and a Columban Priest promoted the Misyon Magazine to me. I bought and brought the copies with me to Australia. I read the article of Sister Jasmine Peralta when she was in Korea. I was touched. I decided to be a Lay Missionary. I wrote to Sr. Jaz and asked for help. She wrote back and told me to contact the Columban Mission inAustralia, which I did.

Unfortunately, because of the ongoing court case between my husband and I may lawyer advised me not to go. I was really disappointed. I realized in the end that, to be missionary, there’s no need to be in a foreign land. Sr. Jaz and I continued our communication and became good friends up to now. She helped me through her prayers, love and support during the difficult times in my life. I thank the Lord for her friendship. I met her personally for the first time during my recent visit to thePhilippines. I was able to stay at their Convent and met some of her fellow Columban Sisters with whom I shared my life story and they encourage me to have it published.

Let Go and Let God

Several times I tried my best o have reconciled with my husband but to no avail. My Court Case continued and it was traumatic and expensive. It took over two years before we finally agreed for amicable settlement. I faced it all with faith and courage. Despite what my husband did to me, I sent him a Thank You letter, I thanked him for the thirteen years of marriage we have had, the good memories and for bringing me to Australia. I have learned to let go and let God: that life is not a race but journey.

Nothing Without God

Since, I am now on my own, I spend most of my weekend helping others through “driving ministry”, visiting friends at the nursing home, helping at the Piety Stall at St. Mary’s Cathedral, listening to a friend, go for recollection once a month and retreat every six months, I feel blessed! My ambition to be a lay missionary is now fulfilled right here in Sydney.

I am now working full-time for an International Freight Company at Sydney Airport – new abode, new friends and new life. I could not have done all these without my generous Lover and His Mother, the Lord Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary, I stick to them during my ordeal and I am never disappointed. I still have my ups and downs, relapses I just do my best and leave everything to my Lover and His Mother. They will look after me!