By Sr Eva Calingo CM

“What? Eva is entering the convent? Carmelite?” These were just a few of the surprised reactions of my family and friends when they learned about my decision. I expected it. You see, I am the youngest in the family, which I think explains the independent and carefree streak in me. Above all, I loved wearing jeans and rubbers shoes.

My decision to join the Carmelite Missionaries was made years after I felt the first stirrings of attraction to serve the Lord as a religious. I was then a student in a university in Manila. I said, “Later on, Lord. Let me finish my studies first.” I did. But I said again, “Later, Lord. I want to have a job first and enjoy my life.” I worked for three years and enjoyed. But all those years, there was something lacking. An unexplainable, indescribable emptiness was there, an emptiness and restlessness that no friends, job or money could fill. It was then that I paid serious attention to His call.

I knew it when I found it

“Which way, Lord? Show me.” This was my prayer then. I was attracted to the prayer life of Carmeland the only Carmelites I knew then were the cloistered nuns. But I was also interested in missionary life. The latter won. Can you imagine my joy when I learned about the Carmelite Monasteries? It was my wildest dream come true. I learned about them through the television. It was Holy Saturday of 1986 and usually there were no programs on television. I was surprised to find one, and did not get up from my seat until it was over. I jubilantly told myself, “I found it!”

Mother’s blessing

Attending the monthly search-ins with the Carmelite Missionaries was something I was looking forward to, but at the same time I dreaded it. I felt so alone since I was unable to say anything about it to the persons closest to me – my family, my mother particularly. They were the first ones who taught me how to love God and my neighbors, but I was afraid to tell them because they might not like the idea. However when the time for the week-long Aspirant’s Encounter came, I could not do anything anymore but tell my mother. My mother cried and it broke my heart. But I was glad that she let me decide for myself. She gave me her blessing.

Rubber shoes

When I was about to join the Carmelites, there was a kind of “division” in the family: some were in favor of me becoming a nun, some were not. But I was sure of myself and I knew that my family loves me and will support me in my decision. While I was packing the few things I had to bring and when I was about to put my rubber shoes inside my bag, I suddenly hesitated and wondered, “Do nuns wear rubber shoes?” I picked up the telephone and called the Sister in the Postulants’ Community. “Sister, could I bring my rubber shoes?”

Something more

The road to missionary life is not easy, but the joys are incomparable. We are formed for mission to serve the Church. And as the years went by, I learned from experience that it is not really how I want to serve the Lord that matters, but what He wants of me. At present, I am working here in Rome at the General Secretariat, in our General House. And I tell you, it’s all worth it – to leave everything behind even if it hurts, to offer your life to the Lord and say yes to Him, not just once but everyday, moment by moment.

Yes, it’s all worth it. Even if very seldom do I wear my rubber shoes now.