The True Test Of Faith

By Marco Mura

In May-June 2002 Marco Mura wrote about his earlier life. He told us how he pumped an extra dose of heroin – ‘enough to kill a horse’ – into his veins in a derelict house and asked God, ‘Is there any reason I should live?’ Waking up in hospital next morning he realized God had answered his question.

It’s been a long, hard, painful and lonely road these past six and a half years in prison. Now my release is only months away. Finally, after these years behind the unforgiving walls of this jail, there is a light that shines brightly. I get closer to it every day and it is the Light of God. When I was released from hospital, after surviving the overdose that should have killed me if it weren’t for the hand of God, I was eventually given a term of seven to fifteen years. My sentence was not the usual one where you just go, do your time and leave on parole to start life again. Because I was a drug addict and an alcoholic the sentence stipulated that I had to first enter a marine-style boot camp at the prison. After completing that I had to complete a yearlong intensive drug treatment program. Only then could I be granted parole. However, if I didn’t come through the boot camp I couldn’t take the program and would have to serve out the entire 15 years. There were no exceptions to the rule. If I made it I would be released before my parole date of seven years.

Prayer power

I got through the boot camp and the program, but not on my own. There were so many days when I just wanted to quit and serve out my full sentence. Each time it was my faith in God that gave me the strength to make it through another day. I spent many nights alone on my knees, sometimes in tears, praying for help, especially during the boot camp phase. So many inmates just gave up. Many broke down in tears of total helplessness to the point that they couldn’t go any further. Some couldn’t take the physical demand; some couldn’t take the mental and emotional strain that took its toll on all of us.
Each day got harder – more intense, more demanding. I hung in there and
prayed whenever I could. Sometimes I prayed while they made us stand to attention for a seemingly endless length of time, as a test of endurance, in the freezing cold, snow or rain. Every time I prayed for help and the strength to go on God answered my prayers and, day-by-day, I survived until it was over.

I’ve been clean and sober all my time in prison. For a recovering addict and alcoholic, this is not easy. There are just as many drugs and as much alcohol here as there are on the streets. Temptation has been in front of me each day. When it comes, I say “No” and walk away. I’ve seen many die here from suicide or an overdose because they couldn’t take it any more behind the prison walls. The world in here is harsh and unforgiving. The rules of life and survival are very unlike those that society in the free world lives by. There are predators everywhere. Only the physically and mentally strong have a chance of surviving. Because of my faith I’ve survived and remain strong and sober since completing the boot camp and drug program.

Reason for being

I’ve used the rest of my time in jail not only to complete my education but also to study the Bible further and come closer to God. Loneliness has been painful and hard to deal with. But I know that with God I’m never alone and that I had to go through all of this to test my faith and to become the man that God wants me to be, the tool, so to speak, for his work here on earth. I know that my purpose in life is to reach out to those who suffered as I did from drug addiction, alcoholism and child abuse. These leave a deep scar on your soul. Every day I’m reminded of what I survived as I look at the scars from the stitches I needed after my stepfather beat me. I see the marks of the cigarette burns that he inflicted on my arms and legs when I was a child. There are times when the tears silently fall. I survived it all with the help of God, even when I thought as a child that he had abandoned me. I know now that he was there all the time and now my future and destiny are clear. Because of what I achieved here in prison, there are many opportunities that await me upon my release. Work in hospitals or treatment facilities for addicts and alcoholics, with survivors of child abuse, is the path my heart tells me the Lord wants me to follow.

All that I ever had

Recently I received word that my clothes were in storage in the basement of a friend had been ruined due to flooding. These were all that I had in the world before going to prison. I had disposed of everything except work and winter clothes. While incarcerated I felt the security of knowing they would be there upon my release. Now that security was gone. Despite the apology of my friend, who hadn’t insured for such a calamity, I felt devastated, crushed, knowing that my only possessions now were what I had in my cell.

However, my faith tells me that the God who has helped me survive so far will help me when I am released. He is calling me to help others in their need and surely he will call others to help me in mine.

Marco Mura was recently released. He graduated as a PhD while in prison.