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Retreat Retreat with God

By Athea Myrnette ‘Aia’ Orayle Caspe

The author graduated from high school this year at St Peter’s College of Ormoc.

My recent retreat was really a vacation with God.  I did not expect that it would be that good and such a relief.

For the first time, I was able to talk to God wholly in an honest letter to Him. I told Him all my happiness and doubts. After that, my teacher handed each one of us a letter from God. Even though I knew it wasn’t really from God, I really felt thrilled and happy at receiving and reading the letter. What made my heart beat faster was when I started reading it!

The letter was so full of hope, acceptance, mercy and forgiveness, as if He was really able to read my plight in my letter. His letter told me of the blessings I was forgetting to count. I looked back and I seemed to count the bad things more than the good things. Right at that moment, I felt like I was really special and that God had really molded me carefully with His own hands, perfecting each detail with such magnificence.

I realized that I should not humiliate myself, which I often did. I often told myself that I was the ugliest person ever and I couldn’t do any better than others. Even if I would accomplish something big, I still didn’t believe in myself. When somebody appreciated my work, I would just answer with a shrug. Every time I looked in the mirror I asked God, ‘Why did you give me this and that? Why do others have this and that?’ Yes, I was vain and insecure. I even hated myself to the extent that I did not believe in myself anymore, thinking I was the worst person ever.

I really felt guilty and ashamed of what I had been doing. I had disappointed God so much. I did not even appreciate what He had given me since birth. I forgot the simple things that satisfied my heart best. I have everything I need — my naturally bejeweled eyes, my nose through which I breathe, my ears that can listen to those soft baby cries, my lips which can console a broken heart, myself that can inspire others and all the other graces I receive everyday.  There is no need to crave for more.  God made me special and unique.

God doesn’t make junk on earth. Each of us is beautiful, each a sacred vessel in His image. Just knowing that I am made in His own image makes me feel proud and say, ‘God made me and He loves me. I am special.’

It was a very fruitful retreat. I hope there will be more retreats to come because I still have more lessons to learn which I can only learn by retreating . . .  with GOD!

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