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BEING HONEST HURTS

By Suzzanne Saniel

Suzzanne is from Consolacion, Dalaguete, Cebu. She graduated as a Bachelor in Secondary Education major in Physics and Chemistry last 2007 and has been teaching in B.R.I.G.H.T. Academy, Banilad, Cebu City for two years. Presently she is a Chemistry teacher.

As a child, I was told to tell the truth always. I remember confessing just before my First Communion that I had lied many times. The value of honesty has always struck me and I have observed how people easily get around it. As I was growing up, I got confused with telling a twisted truth and a lie. I also realized how being frank enough to tell the truth could even lead to persecution. So if being honest at all times is not good, we try to be prudent.

I feel restless if I can't tell a person what I really think about something but I also have to think of the consequences of the weight of my words. You can't just tell somebody that her hair is messy or her make-up doesn't fit the occasion, or that her sense of fashion is strange. You consider her feelings and how she might to your statement. If you’re a leader and one of your members is too lazy to do his part, you can’t tell him how lazy or slow he is. As a student, you can't tell your teacher how you dislike his strategy of teaching but you are expected to be respectful and obedient because you are at the mercy of his pen. We can't tell our nosey neighbors how intrusive they are, but we’re expected to be nice to them at all times. It is instances such as these that make me firmly believe that truth hurts and that telling others what we honestly think without carefully choosing our words may offend them.

However, there are also instances in our lives where we don't have a choice but to say the ugly truth.

Suzzanne with the Institucion Teresiana (IT) Youth -Cebu.

When I see how a friend is so in love with a cheater, I can't leave her living in her daydreams. It gnaws at my conscience to see her blinded by emotions and I think it is better to slap her awake to reality than have my friendship questioned when she has hit the bottom hard. But there are also those types of people who would rather break the bonds of friendship than leave their euphoria.

As young professionals and ‘newbies’ in the workplace, we try to fit in the new environment. It is a fact that there will be differences in opinions and values since we are all unique and different from one another. When we realize that our dignity is being trampled on, we can't let other people continue to bring us down. We have to stand by our principles so as not lose our self-respect and confidence.

Suzzanne introduces herself.

If truth hurts, being honest also hurts. The truth brings with it an indescribable burden depending on the situation. Both the person being told and the one telling the truth are hurt. Example, you have told your friend with good intentions that she doesn't look good in an outfit. It turns out that your friend is hurt because of the statement when she expected you to praise her, and she starts cringing inside herself in her own world and you get hurt because your friend isn't able to accept your friendly advice. Even rejecting a guy's advances and telling him honestly how you feel can create guilty feelings because you've hurt him.

Being honest was so simple back then when you were younger. People excused you for our innocence. For young people, especially those who are trying to find their own identity, I guess we do experience this situation. To fit in a particular group, you look for people who have similar likes and dislikes to yours. We learn how to control our temper and how to curb our tongue to spare ourselves from embarrassment and rejection. We learn to hide truths because we want to be accepted. But keeping things to ourselves might get us to the point of an identity crisis.

I’ve had my share of painful experiences for being blatantly honest but because of that, I have also discovered real friends who were with me through everything. I also found a therapy of letting out accumulated ideas and observations from my mind without hurting anyone including myself. That is through writing a journal. With a pen and paper, you can write everything to your heart's desire because it is just between you and yourself. It's like telling yourself all the accounts of observations and realizations without any restriction of looking for prudent words. It’s being honest to yourself.

It doesn't also mean that what we think as true is always right. We are not meant to live by ourselves. We are bound to help one another in this harsh reality. Thus, I say, being honest hurts since it is not only about us, it also about others.

You may contact the author at teacher_zane@yahoo.com .