When The Sea Is Calm…

By Ma. Catalina O. Torres

Love is not as simple as giving roses and chocolates on Valentine’s  Day.  Nor is it as easy as cutting red cartolinas into hearts.  It entails a lot of sacrifices, too.  Here is a simple story of a woman who braved through the storms because of her love for her family.

I met my husband, Raul, in his uncle’s house in Quezon City, where I was boarding with a friend and co-teacher in Maryknoll Grade School.  He came to visit his father who was recuperating from a heart ailment.  His stay was so short that we didn’t even get introduced to one another.

I attended the wedding of my friend in Bacolod.  Raul’s parents invited me to stay in their house.  I met the family except him since he was living in their farm.  They were accommodating and kind.  I saw him again when I joined his family to attend his Cursillo graduation.  That was in 1965.  There he announced his desire to become a Jesuit priest.  Later, his younger sister wrote me that he did not make it in the interview.

Getting acquainted

It took sometime before we became friends.  A student of mine, his niece, started to bring messages and tokens from him every time he visited Manila.  His younger brother, studying in Manila, would bring me piaya, a delicacy from Negros made from flour and mascubado sugar, from Raul.  I wrote to thank him and soon our correspondence became regular.

Getting acquainted was not easy.  I was busy teaching in Maryknoll and he was occupied looking after their farm in Negros.  He visited me in Manila every time he found time to get away from his work.  He introduced me to his spiritual director since high school days Fr. John J. King, SJ. Fr. King, friends and relatives assured me of his sincerity and goodness.  I was told of his good traits and character.

Sacrament of Matrimony

We got engaged and we set the date of our commitment to one another.  We attended a pre-Cana seminar.  I was very lucky the Maryknoll Sisters I worked with organized a group composed of a religious, a housewife, an educator, a psychologist and an economist to counsel and prepare me to the adjustments I needed to make.  It really helped.  Each one of the counselors gave me a parting message to live by.  They became my rudder steering my marital life up to now.

On April 26, 1967, we got married and received the Sacrament of Matrimony.  Fr. King officiated our wedding.  We took our vows repeating after him “…in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do us part.”  Our parents, relatives and friends witnessed the love we exchanged with each other.

Living in Negros

I left my roots behind and lived in Negros.  We settled in the farm-house prepared for us by my in-laws.  We started our family life simply.  There was no electricity, so different from city life.  I learned to speak Ilonggo fast.  I mingled with the farm laborers and their families.  In a year’s time I became a mother.

Intrigues

I won the affection and love of his family and relatives.  There was good rapport among us.  But it is said that when the sea is calm a storm is about to come.  It did come.  The nemesis dreaded by any in-laws came unexpectedly.  I got letters and was accused of things I never did, neither did say – intrigues that could break a camel’s back.  I was a stranger and had no family to turn to.  Insecurity was slowly creeping into my system.  I could imagine the cold reception, quizzical stares and soft whispers of the people around me.  Only my faith and trust in the Lord kept me strong.  Christ hanging on the cross consoled me all the time.  He allowed Himself to be crucified because of his love for mankind. Who was I to complain?

Fortify yourself

Raul, our son Jojo and me with Fr King when he visited us last year

Relatives and friends who learned of my situation gave their moral support.  For spiritual guidance I confided to priests and nuns and even the Bishop of Bacolod, Msgr. Antonio Y. Fortich, who was a very close friend of my father-in-law.  I considered him my spiritual father.  In two words he made me into a valiant and courageous woman to continue living. “Fortify yourself” was his wise advice.

To ease the terrible anguish I was feeling I chose to keep a distance from the people who caused me pain. I needed space to breathe.  I dedicated my time in caring for my children and got involved in community activities.  My husband stood-by me.

A Great Loss

The sudden death of my father-in-law was a great loss.  He was a well-loved person, righteous and just.  He gave everybody a chance and importance.  His passing away made my husband insecure.  He was not given any responsibility to help his family.  His talents and abilities were curtailed.  He turned to alcohol and smoking to overcome his frustration.  He neglected the farm he was leasing.  Friends and relatives consoled him.  Fr. King, SJ and other priests even stayed in our house for spiritual healing.

Another nightmare

Years passed when another nightmare came – the death of the sugar industry in the Philippines added to my husband’s miseries.  He was not prepared.  He could not adjust and accept the fact that banks froze loans.  Six growing children needed all the care we can give them.

I remembered the message of one of my counselors during the pre-Cana – you must be prepared to be the breadwinner. Prayers, prayers, prayers.  I dreamed of my mother telling me to sell cooked food so my family won’t starve.  I dreamed of San Lorenzo Ruiz giving the same message and to rally behind my husband.  Miracle of all miracles, my brother-in-law and his wife sold their property fronting a Maritime school.  I could only afford 50 % down payment and the balance payable in one year.  I needed only a small capital to start a food business.

The Family Cookery

The Family Cookery was blessed on Dec. 26, 1979. From then on it became our bread and butter.  My husband though new to food business helped me in the venture to survive.  He started to learn the trade of selling and the children enjoyed helping.  Aside from the food store I did catering services and repacked fried corns and watermelon seeds supplied by my friend in Bulacan.  Yes, there was always food on the table.  My family did not starve.

The Family Cookery is the silent witness to the education of our children.  They all graduated and got their degrees from the best schools in the country.  What I’ve gone through can be measured of what my family is now.  We are not an ideal A-one family. Individual differences arise but because of love and faith in the Lord we overcome them.  Looking back I can say with confidence in my heart…

Lord, thank you for all the blessings.  Thank you for my husband and six children.  Thank you for making me follow You with all the crosses and trials you’ve given me.  The hurt, anguish and unhappiness I experienced made me stronger and closer to You.