By Raymund Tilos Santes
On behalf of the Tilos Family, I would like to thank the Columban Fathers, especially Fr. Des, lay missionaries in Pakistan and to the Pakistanis as well for giving Sr. Pilar a very beautiful funeral. And the people of Hinobaan for proving once again that friends are friends –near or far, here or gone away.
When I was about 7 years old, things that most parents would probably not want their children to do were my favorites going to the beach alone, climbing trees, rooftops and even flagpoles, playing in the streets and going out with the big boys.
Our house is almost 50 meters away from my grandfolks but since ours is a quite town, I can hear the voices of people living there –my lolo, my lola, my uncle, some of my cousins and tita Pilar.
There used to be a very big star apple tree next to my lolo’s house and the most graceful branch of the tree extends up to Tita Pilar’s room and we don’t go beyond that point. During the star apple’s season, we picked fruits and eat them on the tree, sometimes sold then in the market. This of course, was without the knowledge of my lolo. My cousins and I felt some kind of victory when we satisfy our taste buds and had some money out of the star apple as well. One day, I discovered a bunch of ripe fruits, but I had doubts if I’d be able to get it. Why? Because its there in the most dangerous branch. I knew what would happen if Tita Pilar would see me up there. I didn’t know what made me decide to go and get it. Maybe my appetite for the fruit and the idea of having some money drove me, and I climbed.
“Creek...creek....”
The next time I knew it, tita Pilar’s window opened.
“You,” said that very commanding voice. “What are you doing up there? Get down, get down fast.”
I climbed down as fast as I could, but she’s faster than me, Tita Pilar was already at the foot of the tree holding a broom when I got down, of course , I knew where she’d used it. We’re all afraid of Tita Pilar because her voice alone commanded authority.
“Do you know what would happen to you if you fell down form that tree? Now who told you that you can get star apples there?
When you are guilty, better keep quite.
“If I catch you the next time, see that? Pointing to the long bamboo that that holds the fine string for drying clothes, “That will kiss your ass!” when you’re only 7 years old that warning is as scary as a death threat.
Tita Pilar is Miss Tilos in school. She’s something special because her subject is everybody’s favorite – Physical Education. She’s a good dancer. She knows a lot of games, and she never ran out of ideas, but kids don’t normally talk to Miss Tilos.
When you’re 30 years old and you don’t have a wife or a husband, it’s kind of “standard” for kids to think that you are strict person. And Tita Pilar was.
Almost every Sunday, after the 7:30 AM mass, Miss Tilos would take us to the beach. There are only two reasons why I love going to beach. The sand and those little creatures that crawl in the sand and dig holes very fast, nothing more. I don’t like the water – it’s so cold and it has waves.
“When you swim, think you’re a feather. Don’t hold the water, let the water hold you.” That’s what Miss Tilos told me – my first swimming instruction! She held my jaw and I began to make strikes hoping it will end soon. I didn’t like it, I’m scared that I’ll fall down. But Miss Tilos didn’t give up on me.
Many Sundays passed. I was learning how to swim. But slow. One time she took us for a ride in a boat. When we were about 25 meters from the shore she held me up and without any notice she threw me out into the deep water. I could hardly breathe. My eyes closed, I paddled my feet towards the boat. Closer and ooops! I could feel the boats body at last! “Whooh, thank God! What a relief. When I opened my eyes I saw Tita Pilar clapping her hands.
I couldn’t believe she was enjoying the watching me die. But I was shocked when she said, “very good! So you can swim now.” “That was it? I thought. Yes! I learned how to swim the hard way –Miss Tilos way. She may not noticed how scared I was that time, But deep inside I learned one thing – believe. There’s no obstacle that you can’t hurdle when you just believe. If at first you think that you can’t, then your really can’t. I believed I could get closer to the boat. And I did.
Today I can swim – freestore, backstroke, butterfly, maybe I can swim better than Miss Tilos, but it can never be denied that she taught me the basics.
My lolo’s house is at the corner of the National Road and the road going to the plaza so everybody’s knows it. If you’re new to the place and you ask for Miss Tilos house, everybody could show you the way.
Tita Pilar was very much involved with the church, in fact she asked me if I could serve during the mass. I couldn’t say NO to her, so I did. I even joined the Legion of Mary and also sand in the choir. Sometimes I watch her speak in front of many people. They also pray and eat together like a very big family. This time they call her Sr. Pilar.
One day our town was like a battleground. For the first time in my life I saw a real war tank. It was very scary. I asked my tatay what was happening but his answer was to warn me. From that moment we were prohibited from playing in the road. I observed we seldom laughed and people seemed to look serious and worse we had to go to bed early. We can’t even watch television for pit the volume of the radio very loud like we used to.
I heard new words like massacre, red alert and NPA. I really didn’t care what these words meant but I had a feeling that they spell danger. On some other nights I could hear “bang –bang” and the following day everybody was already talking about a dead body. 1982 was a very chaotic year. Murder was the favorite topic of the topics. Usual victims were farmers - poor farmers.
One morning when I went to my lolo’s house I saw a lot of soldiers in uniform walking here and there as if they’re waiting for someone. I wanted to run, but I never did because I thought they’d kill me I did. I learned from my mother that they are looking Tita Pilar, so I asked why.
“Why would they be looking for her?” I asked. My mother replied, “They suspect your Tita is an NPA.” “What is an NPA?” I asked curiously. “An NPA is an enemy of the military.” My mother explained. I wondered why would she be an enemy to the military, she’s a woman.
Thirteen years later, Tita Pilar gave me a book by F. Niall O’ Brian entitled Revolution from the Heart and it was only then that I fully understood why she was believed to be a NPA. When you work with people, poor people, you are an NPA. Those poor people who were abused by the military, robbed of their rights and stripped of their dignity. How can your teach these people love if they don’t receive love? How can your show them the way to god when their family is murdered? They might even question you the existence of God. Nobody cared but fortunately there were some who took time out to analyze the root of the problem and consoled these people. And Tita Pilar was one of them. She and Kristyanong Katilingban joined hands to achieve the most basic of all human needs: love. They fought unarmed against oppression, slavery and injustice. Just prayers and faith for their cause.
They succeed. After EDSA Revolution our town has slowly gone back to normal. Time flies so fast. Tita Pilar, Miss Tilos or Sr. Pilar was “ordained” as lay missionary to the Order of St. Columban. Her first assignment took her to Pakistan where as her letter would tell me – she just continues what she really wanted to do.
I wondered why a person would give so much dedication to sever other people. But I guess I already found the answer – Love of God. Matthew 25:30 says: “What do you do to the least of my brothers, you do to me.” her immeasurable love of God brought her to a country of different faith, of different creed and of different culture because for her to be closer to God is to be closer to people. And she even laid down her life to them.
I’ll miss her, that’s for sure. But thinking where she probably is now is already a consolation and a reason not to grieve anymore.